Where to Start?

Let's see, I haven't updated recently. Things have been pretty busy. Emiko was christened this morning -- our church had a big Day of the Dead celebration for All Saints Day. So we marched in to a Dixieland band and there were banners with the names of the departed. It was a beautiful way to mourn those we have lost while also welcoming new people into the church. Four babies were baptized during the 9 am service. Emiko was great -- she only cried once for a second. After the baptism, all the babies fell asleep. It was really cute. I'll post a picture of Emiko in her christening gown. She wore the gown that my brother, my sister, and I all wore during our baptisms. Heather's boys wore it, too. So it has lots of history.

We had a little get-together afterwards. It was a lot of fun. Emiko was adorable and charming as always. I still find it hard to believe that I have such a beautiful baby girl. She's so awesome!

School is still a nightmare. One of the teachers who was laid off has been rehired, somehow. The other one is also back at school, SUBBING FOR HERSELF! There is no way in hell I would ever ever sub for myself. Absolutely not.

We were talking at lunch one day about teachers and how kids treat them. My kids can be awful, but they are never really mean to me. And I can always get the class under control. I have to yell sometimes, which I hate. But they eventually shut the hell up and I never feel like I'm being abused.

But there are teachers who let their students treat them like crap. They'll just take it when the kids call them names, etc. I just can't understand that. One veteran teacher told the story of a Spanish teacher who was dangled out the window in a 3rd floor classroom. This was about 6 years ago. That's the day I quit my job, I swear. But I just can't imagine letting kids treat me that way. If I can have classroom management, then anyone should be able to.

One school employee, the guy who runs the copy room (we don't get to make our own copies -- we have to put a request in his mailbox and hope he'll comply in time. We are allowed 150 copies per week. I have 150 students, so they can get one copy each per week. My job is awesome!) was knocked down by a student two weeks ago. And he's a well liked guy -- I would never guess he'd get in that situation. That's pretty scary.

I've only been really scared of getting hit by a student twice. Both times it involved my calling a young male student a coward. Which is a bad idea in the ghetto. I just get so mad sometimes, and my students will occasionally decide to talk about me quietly. Right near me. So I can hear them calling me a bitch or bogus or bald-headed and thirsty (that's the new one for this year). And it just burns me up that they don't have the courage to say it to my face. So I'll say to the kid -- don't be a coward -- if you are going to talk about me, say it loud enough that I can enjoy your comments. This is never really a fun confrontation -- but it usually gets the point across. But twice I've been in this situation and really did think that the guy was going to punch me. One time a kid actually said he was going to hit me -- I said, Go ahead -- you'll get arrested and I'll get to go home early. Teaching involves a lot of bravado on my part.

At any rate -- those probably weren't my proudest or smartest teaching moments, but there ya go. I know that I'm supposed to be the grownup and rise above and not let things get to me, but sometimes I just can't.

But this Friday we are leaving for Shreveport, Louisiana, for my great aunt Lucy's 100th birthday celebration/family reunion. These are my Louisiana relatives -- Todd has no idea what he is in for! I should have some great stories!!!

Mondays Suck

Two of my favorite coworkers got laid off Friday. They found out on Thursday. I'm not sure how experienced teachers got laid off while brand new teachers with no experience still have jobs. Plus English is the only subject that each student has to take every year. And both teachers had full course loads. So how did they lose their jobs? What is the point of being unionized? Where are those students going to go??? I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a brand new schedule any moment now.

So we were all pretty down today. The two teachers in question were sent to a meeting downtown where they were told that they could sub and keep their benefits. It would be so insulting to go from teaching (which is insulting enough in CPS) to subbing.

We were told that this wouldn't happen any more -- that no longer would teachers get fired on the 20th day of school. The idea was that on the 20th day of school, the board would see how projected enrollment jived with real enrollment. But last spring, the union told us that layoffs would happen in the spring so that teachers would have all summer to get new jobs. I guess that was a lie. The board is blaming the budget crisis of the summer.

I know I said I'd quit bitching about school, but it's so frustrating and crappy.

But we did go to homecoming Friday night, and I made Emiko a t-shirt to show her school spirit. She was a huge hit. Our kids lost, but that's OK. We had dinner at Topnotch Beefburger on 95th and Western -- awesome burgers and the best milkshakes. Made it all worth it!

I know it seems crazy that I would go to homecoming when I think my job sucks right now. But I still have to play the game -- I certainly can't afford to get laid off. And I have several students who play on the football team and I want to support them. It's definitely more fun to see my kids at a football game -- they tend to be in much better spirits than in my class. So there.

Need a New Topic

School is still not going very well. It is so hot -- thank God it's going to be cooler starting Wednesday. And CPS is not fun to deal with. I did a week-long training two weeks before school started, and I still haven't gotten paid for it. I also did two hours of training for the new $60 million Impact system (that still doesn't work well!) back in July. I still haven't been paid for that. And my new 5% raise was not on my paycheck Friday. We got railroaded into this stupid five year contract, and we haven't gotten paid for it. We're supposed to get back pay starting from July 1, since that's when the last contract ended. But no, haven't gotten it. It's really frustrating.

The worst part is that the union doesn't do me any good, because the union rep at my school is in the principal's back pocket. So were I to file a grievance or something, I would absolutely get fired. Awesome, huh? So we just take whatever they give us and nothing changes.

I dream of a new job, but I don't know if I will find one. Why couldn't I have been a math teacher??? Why did I have to be an English teacher? There are so many of us. And having taught four years in the city, I'm tainted as far as the 'burbs are concerned. So what does that leave me with?

OK, I'm going to quit bitching about my job. I'm going to find better things to blog about. I promise.

Freshmen! Good Lord!

I just cannot adjust to freshmen. They are so squirrel-y and needy. Good Lord they are needy. They ask the same questions over and over again. I swear I repeat myself all day long. Do your bellringer. Quit talking. Open your notebook. Turn to page 53. Why are you still talking? Turn to page 53. I said turn to page 53. Am I not saying it right? You are still talking. Stop talking!

And I don't want to be the teacher that destroys them, so I can't be sarcastic and say something like -- Is there something wrong with you? Although I really, really want to say that. Often. I have said things like -- Allegedly you all graduated from 8th grade, so you should know how to follow directions and do your work.

I have asked a couple kids if something was wrong with them. I just couldn't help myself. I know that I'm supposed to be the adult, and that many of my kids get no attention at home, which is why they are so starved for it at school. And that my saying "good morning" or "good afternoon" might be the first greeting they've heard all day.

That just breaks my heart and then I feel really, really guilty.

I know that most of my kids are poor and many live with grandparents or foster parents. I have kids who can't get to my class on time because their mom didn't have enough bus fare. And that their free lunch might be the only meal they get all day. Many of my kids were excited that today is the first of the month, since they'd get new Link cards.

I try to remember that stuff when I start to lose my temper. I also take a lot of deep breaths. But it's still so hard sometimes! And then I get mad, because an education is their only chance of maybe having a better life than their parents or grandparents, and they don't even care.

Then the guilt cycle starts all over again.

This is why I go to bed so early.