Summertime!

     I can't believe it's already the end of June, and I haven't blogged all month. I do love summer vacation. The kids and I joined the YMCA, which has been wonderful, and keeps us entertained so we don't kill each other. The kids started swim lessons this week, and this afternoon they go to their first martial arts class. I'm hoping I can make it to the mat pilates class at the same time -- otherwise I guess I'll hang out on the stairclimber for awhile.
     We've been going to open swim in the afternoons, which is not super fun, because it's super crowded, but the kids don't mind, and I try to move around a lot so it counts as exercise. My goal for this summer is to get in shape.
     The other day I remembered that my job offers incentives for employees to improve their fitness. When I got the email in January, my response was -- fuck that, I've got breast cancer. But now that I've gotten over the initial shock of the cancer bit, I decided this wellness plan was a good idea. And I can earn up to $450 just for filling out some forms and talking to a health coach.
     Friday night I worked on my health inventory. I was feeling pretty good, and I think I'm pretty healthy, but then I remembered the cancer part. But hey -- 50 bucks is coming my way just for filling out the form! And Saturday I'm having blood drawn so that my job can know my cholesterol and other health markers. I know  -- I appreciate that people don't want their employees knowing so much about that -- that's a fair concern. I am just thinking about what I can buy myself with my 450 bucks!
     I also remembered that as part of this employee wellness initiative, I can get WeightWatchers online for free. I have been tracking my food on MyFitnessPal, because it's free. But I liked WW well-enough -- and free is free. So I signed up for that, too. I'm not interested in being as thin as I was when I initially did WW. I would like to lose 20 pounds, though. So that's another goal.
     My main objective, however, is to be fit and hopefully cancer-free for the rest of my life. I am still running, slowly -- have to get to work on that. I've been doing a lot of yoga, and Emiko has been doing some yoga with me. I've gone to some yoga classes at the Y, too. I do love yoga.
     I've been meeting my friend Suzanne at the Rose Bowl to walk in the evenings -- that just started this week. We are aiming for Mondays and Thursdays at 7. Our goal is to run more than walk -- it was 108 degrees Monday night -- so we just walked. But I think we'll try to run more tonight. And it's nice to have adult conversation!
     My breast reconstruction is moving along. I had an injection last Thursday, and I go again tomorrow. I don't think I need much more pumping up -- I wonder what size I am right now? I'm anxious to get the surgery over with -- and wondering when that might be.
     I definitely look forward to not having the tissue expanders any longer -- they are a pain and feel awkward and get in the way. The permanent implants are supposed to just become a part of you. I am wondering if I'm still going to be able to wear my eShaki dresses -- as I will know longer be able to shimmy them over my boobs -- these boobs are not going to squish down like my real ones did. Another reason to lose a few pounds -- will make zipping the dresses up the sides easier. We'll see how that all plays out.
     I find myself still dealing with feeling insecure about my cancer boobs. Sometimes at the Y I will change in the changing room -- other times I just change at the bench and not worry about it. I've been encouraging Emiko to not worry about changing in the locker room -- that no one is looking at her. So I should set a good example. But my cancer boobs are alarming to look at -- which Emiko understands.
     Swimming is awesome because when I swim, these boobs feel natural and don't get in the way. It's a nice feeling.
     I saw my oncologist last Friday --  it was a quick visit. I have to see her every three months for the first two years, and then I'll see her every six months for three years. She examined my chest area and we discussed how I was adjusting to tamoxifen, and that was that. She gave me a hug when she left -- which doesn't usually happen with doctors!
     I guess those are your updates for this month. I need to blog more regularly. I keep telling myself that! But it's summertime! The living is easy!
    

Ready for Summer!

     I have my next saline injection next Friday. I'm looking forward to it -- my wound looks like it's completely healed, so we can do a full injection. I've been wondering how much longer the reconstruction process will take. I googled it, of course, and came across this article. Very interesting, and I can relate to what the people interviewed say. People often remark on how fun it will be to get new boobs, and I know that they are being nice, but I feel pretty conflicted about it. I would much rather have my actual breasts and not have breast cancer. I know that new breasts seem like a perk, and I am sure I will enjoy having perky boobs, but that was never something that was important to me.
     I sometimes wonder if I should have opted for surgery without reconstruction, because then I'd be healed and done already. But I do think that I would have been unhappy with that choice. I still feel super self-conscious in t-shirts. Today I wore a super cute skirt, but I didn't have a scarf that matched it, so I had to wear my top without a scarf. So all day I worried about my sad little boobettes. I definitely feel less feminine with my current breasts.
     At any rate, it's happening eventually. I know that I will continue to adjust and evolve and all that good stuff.
      I'm still attending my cancer support group on Wednesday nights. I do think it's helpful, but I do continue to feel a bit guilty about being less sick than many of the other members. When it was my turn to share, I mentioned that I've been thinking about recurrence a lot lately, and how will I ever stop worrying about breast cancer?
     John, the facilitator, said he struggled with that, too, as he had stage one lung cancer. He said that you will always worry, but you also have to live your life. More adapting and evolving for me!
     I am looking forward to summer break. We are going to join the YMCA, so the kids and I can swim all summer long. The Y provides childcare, so I can take a couple of yoga classes a week and not worry about the kids. I think we will all really enjoy that.
     The kids and I are hiking on Sunday mornings. It's so fun to hike with them -- they'll fuss about walking with me, but they hike like little mountain goats. We've been going to Eaton Canyon, which is beautiful and super close to our house. I think we'll keep going there on Sundays until the kids decide they want to try someplace else. There are a ton of beautiful and not-too-challenging trails near us.
     I didn't run any last weekend, but I'm still calling myself a runner. I did sign up for the Awesome 80s 10K in July, and the 10K at the Grove is June 12th. Emiko and Hideo are doing that one with me, so we'll be walking and there might be some fussing. We'll see how that goes.
     Sunday night Todd and I got to see The Cure at the Hollywood Bowl. It was fabulous and I loved every minute! Robert Smith still has it! They played for almost three hours! Which was amazing, but it was a school night and I was tired. I think I'm still recovering, but it was worth it.
     Tuesday night, Todd and I went to Amoeba Records to see The Muffs play a free show. Then last night, Todd and I went to the Hollywood Improv for Outtake-O-Rama, featuring the actors from Futurama. Todd and I do not usually go out so much ever, much less in a week! But it just worked out that all three of these events were happening this week. It's a good thing that I was just reviewing for the final exams and giving the final exams this week, as I have been super tired and kind of crabby as a result of my lack of sleep! Memorial Day weekend will help!
     Next week will be busy, too, as I am a chaperone for the 8th grade Disneyland trip on Thursday, and Friday is 8th grade graduation. I'm going to miss my first 8th grade class. This has been such a great school year, other than the cancer stuff!
     Today I got my blood drawn for tests that my oncologist wants run on me prior to my next appointment with her on June 17th. Hopefully that will all be good.
     We are going to the beach Monday. My first thought was -- I can't go to the beach looking like this! But I decided that was a stupid attitude. I will wear a sports bra underneath a rashguard, so I don't think my boobettes will be that noticeable. Get over it, Amy.
     OK, that's enough for now.
     

Healing Continues!

     I can't believe I haven't blogged at all this month. I kept getting side-tracked. Things are going well. I am enjoying support group, and the kids love their group. My right boobette wound is almost completely healed! I was scheduled to see my plastic surgeon on May 20th, but she is in surgery that day, so they moved my appointment to the 17th. I think I will reschedule it again, though, because I think the week or two after that I might be able to actually have my first saline injection.
     I've started running again, too. Which makes me happy. I've been thinking about it, but was nervous about it for a good month or two. Finally last Saturday I decided I should try and see what happens. I ran 2.18 miles and it was ok. The tissue expanders feel funky inside a sports bra, but they feel funky regardless, so it wasn't too distracting.
     This morning I ran 4 miles. So progress is occurring. I am signed up for a race at The Grove June 12th. I won't get to run much for that one, as the kids will be with us. But it's something. I am thinking about doing the Awesome 80s 10K in Pasadena in July.
     I also want to start training for a half marathon. No more marathons for me. There's a half marathon in November that I did last year that I enjoyed, so I think I will aim for that one. My friend Carolyn might do it, too, and I'm hoping maybe more of my teacher friends might want to join us, too.
     The Relay for Life is next Saturday. I exceeded my fundraising goal, which is amazing, but one of my dearest friends made a big donation. Which was super sweet. I haven't done the Relay for Life before, but people seem to enjoy it. The first lap is for cancer survivors, so I guess that includes me.
     Support group is good. I do feel a little guilty, because most of the other members of our group are sicker than I am. They don't seem to mind it too much, but I do feel like maybe I have nothing to complain about. Which is true, really. I figure I will go through summer, and in the fall, I will think about if I need to continue with the group. I do find it helpful. We'll see.
     The Young Survival Coalition, for younger women with breast cancer, has a new LA director, so she wants to schedule some meetings. I would like to go to some of those meetings. There is one next week, but it's by UCLA, so that's not an easy drive for me.
     Work is good, but super busy as we prepare for the end of the year. I'm excited for the end of the school year. I love my job, and I'm so glad I get to go back to Immaculate Heart next fall. But I am ready for summer break! I think we are going to join the YMCA so the kids and I can swim and whatnot.
     I guess that's the latest. I had a nice Mother's Day, even though Mother's Day isn't my favorite holiday, since losing my mom 16 years ago. We went to the Huntington Library with my in-laws. I would have liked to go to the beach, but plans were made without my input. That's how it goes sometimes!
     Oh, Todd and I celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary on May 6th. That is such an accomplishment! We went to Del Frisco's Grill, because they have a lemon cake that I love. We also went to Del Frisco's for our ninth anniversary. We know what we like!
     The 16th anniversary of Mom's death is tomorrow -- which is also my dad's birthday. That's always a sad day. I do feel bad that my mom died on Dad's birthday. Heather and I joke that Mom did that deliberately, so we wouldn't forget. As if we could forget that day!
     So tomorrow I'll drink something strong and cry a little.
    

Feeling Normal-ish

     The last two weeks have been pretty good, energy-wise. I'm not collapsing on the couch when I get home from work. I have started walking up to the observatory again. Last Thursday I made it all the way to the top! I wasn't sure I could, but I did!
     I saw my plastic surgeon today for the first time in two and a half weeks. She was pleased to see that my wound on my right boobette was much smaller. It's encouraging, because I can see that it is healing, finally, which makes it easier for me to be patient. So I will see her again May 20th -- perhaps then I can have my first tissue expansion? At this point, it will be summer break before I can start pumping up these tissue expanders. I guess I will have to figure out what to do with Emiko and Hideo during those appointments.
     Now I'm thinking maybe by Christmas my boobs will be done? Which isn't so terrible, really, as I figured this whole breast cancer journey would take about a year. So that would be about right.
     Today I mentioned to my 3rd period class that I had to cancel the Panda Pacers for today, due to my doctor's appointment. One student said, "Ooh, Mrs. Fuji is getting cosmetic surgery!" I said that I was doing this for fun -- that I had to get new boobs because of the cancer in my old boob, but I would never have done it otherwise. I don't know why that made me defensive.
     Anyway, the girls asked about my boobs, and I was wearing a t-shirt today, so you could see how squashy my boobettes are. So we talked about that for a bit, and they had lots of questions. I am glad I work in an all-girls school! I will be happy when my boobettes aren't so squashy and sunken-in. I know I have to be patient.
     Today I got a catalog with swimsuits in it, and I was thinking -- do I even want to wear a swimsuit this summer? I guess it's silly not to. I can always get a mastectomy swimsuit, or wear a padded bra. Or just wear a rash guard over my suit. That's probably the easiest.
     Todd was sick all last week. He's still sick, but is finally getting better. He went to urgent care last Monday, and didn't feel any better. Tuesday he looked so awful when the kids and I went home, that I called Kyle to see if I should be worried. I love that I have doctors I can call and harass -- thanks Kyle and Barb! Kyle said to take Todd to the ER if he didn't feel better, or if his fever didn't go down. His fever was over 103. So the kids and I took him to the ER.
     Luckily it wasn't crazy busy, so we were there for about three hours. Of course, it's the flu, so there's nothing that they can do. The doctor complimented Todd on how young he looked, gave him three bags of saline, and some potassium. And some pain pills. None of which made him feel better.
     Todd has been super crabby about this flu. We've been trying to stay out of his way! He missed work all last week. He's back at work this week and he's slowing coming around. He's still pretty crabby, though. So that has not been fun.
     Work is good, and my contract has been renewed for next year -- hooray! So that is a relief. I'm definitely looking forward to summer break.
     Also looking forward to support group tomorrow.

Support Group!

     Last night, the kids and I made it to our first support group meeting at Cancer Support Community in Old Town Pasadena. We had planned on eating a quick supper before hand, as the meetings start at 6, but my staff meeting went long, so I had to rush to get the kids. We made a quick stop at home so Emiko and Hideo could get a snack to tide them over til dinnertime.
     We got to the meeting about 10 minutes before it started, since I had to turn in the paperwork to enroll the kids in the Children's Corner.  Laura, the director, met us and took the paperwork and led us to the kids' room. There was another nine year old girl there, so Emiko was thrilled about that. Ryan, who is a marriage and family therapist grad student, leads the kids' program. He's a lot of fun and Emiko and Hideo loved their first group. So that is a relief!
     After dropping off the kids, I walked down the hall to my group. The leader is a lung cancer survivor and psychotherapist. He's very warm and engaging and he made me feel at ease right away. I apologized that I couldn't come last week, and he said it was no problem. He had the group members introduce themselves to me and describe their cancer, and then I introduced myself.
     There were two other men in the room, and three other women. One man was much older, and the other man was super young -- in his early 20s. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor when he was 20 and it's come back.
     One woman has metastatic breast cancer. Her cancer recurred as tumors in her brain. She was the chattiest of the group, but everyone was open and honest and you could tell that they really appreciated each other. One man just started last week, so he said he was much more comfortable talking this week.
     Even though I'm the least sick of the group, it was still great to be there. My friends and family have been incredibly supportive, but I don't think anyone can really understand what a cancer diagnosis is like unless she or he experiences one. I felt like I could just exhale and listen and talk.
     I'm so glad I went -- I had been kind of chickening out for awhile.
     When I picked up the kids from their room, they were so happy and had had so much fun, and were excited to come back next Wednesday. We got to the car, and they told me all about their session, which involved talking about cancer a bit, and then playing games. We were starving, as it was after 7:40 and we hadn't had dinner (and I didn't have a snack!). So we went to Jersey Mike's to get a sandwich. I told the kids we would make Wednesday our special support night, and that next week we would be able to eat dinner before the meeting, as there is no staff meeting next Wednesday. On staff meeting days, I'm going to have to make sure to pack snacks!
     One of my 8th graders has started at Relay for Life team for the Griffith Park Relay for Life that is being held on May 21. I think that is awesome. I'm going to join the Immaculate Heart team and Emiko and Hideo are going to join, too. I guess it'll be my first event as a "survivor." I still don't think I am a survivor yet -- I think I still count as a patient. I guess having "cancer patient" on the back of a t-shirt would be weird?
     This week has been good, work-wise. I am still pretty irritable -- I was really crabby with my first period class this morning. I had given a reading quiz, and the girls sometimes love to complain about how unfair these quizzes are, and I was not feeling like hearing it today. I do need to work on taking deep breaths when I get frazzled -- I can start to feel when the tamoxifen-rage flares up. I think some mindful meditation and deep breaths will help. And I think I needed more caffeine today.
     Next week my Panda Pacers want to start walking up to the Observatory again -- did I already tell you that? I told the girls we would give it a try, and to please be patient with me. I decided to just do it on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the rest of the year -- I think I probably need Mondays off! I don't know if I can make it all the way to the top at this point -- it's a steep three mile round trip. But we'll see -- it'll get me out there, anyway. I do need to start doing more physical activity. I've been doing a little yoga, but I need to do more. It's hard to be motivated when I'm so worn out at the end of the day, but I know that ultimately exercise will make me feel better and will help with my endurance.
     My right boobette is healing -- I noticed last night that the wound is definitely smaller. It's still an open wound, but progress is being made. I see Dr. Klausmeyer on the 26th. Surely by then it'll look markedly better. That would be awesome.
      Progress. I have to keep being patient. I'm making progress.
    

It's April Already!

     Last week went pretty well -- I am definitely feeling stronger. Emiko was sick Monday through Wednesday, so Todd had to take vacation days and stay home with her. So I wasn't able to come home and take a nap before Todd got home, like I did the week before spring break. But I didn't feel awful, so that's progress.
     My first period girls told me I was super crabby on Monday -- which is to be expected on the Monday after spring break. I'm sure all the teachers were crabby! I told them I will try to be less crabby next Monday (which is tomorrow -- we'll see!). One student mentioned my medicine and how it wasn't really my fault. Another girl asked, "How long are you taking that medicine???" I told her ten years and she said she felt sorry for my family! I told her I did, too!
     But after the crabbiness on Monday, I was cheerier. My eighth graders are reading the Malala book, and it's so good! We've had some great discussions about women's rights and about how people use fear to meet their agendas.
     I didn't make it up to the Observatory. I'm going to try one day this week. Thursday? The drama girls performed Les Mis Friday and Saturday, so now my two major walking buddies will be available after school to walk with me. It's going to be rainy tomorrow, so we will wait and see how it looks on Thursday.
     My right boobette is still oozy and open. Dr. Klausmeyer said we can keep doing what we are doing, or we can stitch it up. I told her let's wait two more weeks. So I see her again on the 26th. If it's not noticeably better that afternoon, I'll have it stitched up. I'm sick of buying gauze! My biggest medical expenses these days parking and gauze!
     I have been trying to a little yoga, and it's doable. I can touch my toes and do down facing dog. I am getting back my range of motion in my right arm and shoulder. These are all exciting developments!
     I didn't get to go to the cancer support group Wednesday, since Emiko was sick. We will go this Wednesday. I'm curious to see how it is, and I know it will be good for me. I'm also reading a new book called Anticancer. It's amazing and I am enjoying it immensely. It's written by a doctor who had brain cancer, and his experience as a patient truly changed his perspective as a doctor. And it talks a lot about things cancer patients can do to feel like we are active participants in this journey, and not just passive patients. It's empowering. I am hoping Todd will read it when I finish it. I'm trying to cut down on refined sugar and carbs, since the evidence seems pretty clear that they feed cancer.
     And green tea is super good for you. I drink a lot of green tea already, but now I'm really upping my intake. I have been making green tea in the morning to take with me to work, and it's really helping keep me perky! I may still drink a Coke on Wednesdays until I run out -- I think I just have three cans left. It's all about moderation.
     Todd gets nervous when I talk about eating differently -- it freaked him several years ago when I stopped eating meat and I lost a lot of weight. I think he felt he was being rejected, since I basically stopped eating what he cooked. So I'm not doing that this time. But for me, this is no longer theoretical -- I have cancer. I don't want to die of it. I have to take care of it. So if there are things I can do, that are truly not that difficult to do, I'll do it. It's not worth taking any chances. Plus I can still have red wine with my evening meal. Whew!
      I guess those are the major things I wanted to write down. I have a new bracelet that says "fuck cancer" on the inside. A woman who worked in the high school at work died last week of a rare form of cancer. She was only 32 and had been fighting the disease for five years, I think. So sad and so awful. I didn't know her -- just said hi to her a few times. I was going to go talk to her about her cancer in December when I got my diagnosis, but it felt weird to do that, without knowing her better.
     Fuck cancer. 
    

Spring Break!

     After working a grueling four days last week, Spring Break began last Friday! Woo hoo! Back to daily naps! I did really miss those naps. I didn't do much all week, but I did walk Emiko and Hideo to school a few times.
     Tuesday I finally attended the new member orientation for the Cancer Support Community support groups. CSC is in the process of moving to their new headquarters on Raymond, so when I walked into their office on Del Mar, it was kind of weird. Furniture kept being removed as we were sitting there. I met three other women who also have breast cancer. One woman is much older than me, and the other woman is almost ten years younger. We met the director, Laura, who explained the background of the organization and how the support groups work. CSC was called the Wellness Community, and Gilda Radner was greatly helped by the Wellness Community in Santa Monica. That led her to start Gilda's Clubs. A few years ago, Gilda's Clubs and the Wellness Community merged to become the Cancer Support Community. There are a few Gilda's Clubs left, but apparently most people have forgotten who she is (which is tragic!), so most now go by the CSC name. See what I learned?
     I chatted with the other two women, and then Ryan, the young, earnest counseling intern, called us in one-by-one to learn more about what group to put us in. They do have a breast cancer specific support group, but it meets Thursdays at lunch, so that won't work for me. I was put in a Wednesday evening group, which starts next week. I wanted Wednesday, because that is the night the children's support group meets. So Emiko and Hideo can go with me. It's from 6-7:30, so it won't interfere with bedtime.
     I think that now that I am through the active-treatment portion of my cancer business, I should probably focus on the emotional side of things. I think people see that I don't need chemo, and that I am back at work, and it's like -- you are done! Which is not how I feel. So I hope the group will be beneficial. I've never been in a support group before.
    My weekly appointment with Dr. Klausmeyer was this morning. I have been working to eat more protein and more vegetables, and less sugar, in an attempt to heal this tissue! And fight cancer. It seems to be working -- the tissue on my right boobette looks way better. Well, it still looks like a big, angry wound to me, but Dr. Klausmeyer showed me that the red, springy tissue is living tissue -- so that's definite progress. Necrosis is a huge concern for breast reconstruction after breast cancer surgery. I was worried about it. But today the tissue looked alive and growing. That's super encouraging. She thought maybe we can do the first saline injection next Friday. That would be awesome!
     As today is the last day of spring break -- I knew I needed to do my lesson plans. So I did! Lesson plans are done for next week! There are eight more weeks of school! I won't be able to miss any school -- so if I don't feel well -- tough. If the kids get sick -- heaven-forbid -- Todd will have to be the one to pick them up or stay home with them. I'm looking forward to getting a paycheck mid-month!
     So that's this week. This train keeps a-chugging. I am feeling better and I'm walking more. I'm going to try to see how far I can walk up the observatory path next Thur. I have a student who wants the Pacers to start back up. We shall see!

Back to Work!

     I have meant to post all week, but have been too tired to get around to it. So I have to catch up! I went back to work on Monday. I was super nervous and excited. The girls were so happy to see me, which was wonderful!   
     I was high on adrenaline all day, so I wasn't too tired. But by the end of sixth period, I was worn out. I left work a little after 3 and picked up the kids much earlier than usual. We got home and I let them play the PS4 while Mommy took a nap til Todd got home.
     Tuesday was much harder. The reality of being back at work, without my twice-daily naps, really hit me on Tuesday. I explained to the girls on Monday that I was still recovering, and that I was now taking tamoxifen, which could make me super crabby, so please be patient with me. So on Tuesday I had them work on a reflection about the past five weeks, and they had to work quietly. It worked pretty well -- they were quieter.
     Mind you, my girls have had a sub for five weeks, and this was the week before Easter break. So it was hard to keep the girls corralled. Wednesday is grammar day, which is always a nightmare, because the girls don't understand grammar, so they get extremely fussy about it. So I was super testy on Wednesday.
     But I was also smart on Wednesday -- I packed a Coke in my lunchbox. I have lunch duty on Wednesdays, and we have a different schedule on Wednesdays, so I am always exhausted on Wednesdays, even when not recovering from breast cancer! The Coke helped get me through the day.
     That was lucky, because Todd was working out with the Pasadena Triathlon Club Wednesday evening, so the kids and I were on our own for dinner. Thank God the microwave is now fixed! So we ate leftovers and we all went to bed early.
     Thursday was the last day of the week, as we were off for Good Friday. The girls were still driving me crazy, because we reviewed the grammar from the day before, so they were still mad about grammar. I am going to change how I teach grammar. I did a lot of yelling Thursday.
     After school Thursday I had to rush to Kaiser. I was on my way out of the parking lot, and Cristina, our benefits coordinator, flagged me down. I reparked the car and waited for her. She needed me to sign my insurance paperwork so I could be back on normal insurance. COBRA no more! Then I had to really rush to Kaiser.
     I had to have my pelvic ultrasound for my oncologist. The technician fussed at me, because she said I had not had enough water and my bladder was empty. Which was not true! So we will see if the baseline image is helpful or if I have to do it again.
     Friday I was too tired to walk Emiko and Hideo to school. I promised them I'd walk them to school next week. I got up and ate breakfast with them, and then went back to bed. Which was wonderful. I woke up around 11:30 and took a shower and ate lunch before making my way to Kaiser for my appointment with Dr. Klausmeyer. I just knew she would see my right boobette and be horrified and immediately whisk me to the operating room to stitch up my awful wound.
     But she didn't. She said that we could go to the operating room and stitch up the wound, but that she thought it was healing, and that she had seen much worse. She then explained that while all of this was new to me, this was not new to her, and that I shouldn't worry. She cleaned up the wound and said to keep doing what I'm doing, and come back in a week.
     I told Dr. Klausmeyer that I do trust her, but it's alarming to have a wound like this. She said that when she does reconstruction, she leaves more skin than some plastic surgeons do, so that when we can start filling up the expanders with saline, there will be more skin so it will be easier to stretch. So my wound is not as bad as it seems, according to her.
     Next Friday morning is my next appointment with her -- we will see what she says. I would like the wound to heal so that I can start the expansion process. The tissue expanders feel weird and uncomfortable,  but I have heard they feel better once you start filling them. I am trying to be patient.
     In the meantime, I am still self-conscious about these foreign boobettes. I wore a t-shirt Friday to dinner, and felt awkward the whole time. I need to get over that.

    You can see in the picture that my boobettes sit funny, and there are funky bulges on the side of the boobettes. The top of my chest is pretty sunken in, and it's sunken in on the sides by my armpits, too. Once I get my expanders filled, the bulges will smooth out, but we haven't even started that process.
     I have no idea if other people notice that my boobettes look weird. But I know that they do and it's frustrating. On a happier note, that is a super cute t-shirt. I do love my Gir.
     I will spend Easter break resting up, and getting my lesson plans in order. After this break, that will be it. I don't have any sick days or anything, so I have to keep myself together for the next two months! My boss wants to observe me at the end of April, so I have to be at the top of my game for that. I am so happy to be back at work and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my job!
     Tomorrow is Easter. We are going to church and then we will go out to lunch. We will see if the Easter bunny comes and brings anything good for the kids. I think I have a dress that will work and make my weird boobettes less obvious. Oh, this morning I shaved my armpits! That was awesome! I have a little shaver I use on my peach fuzz. I can't use a regular razor, because were I to cut myself, it could be problematic. So I did my best to reach under my pits and shave them. It's not perfect, but it's much better! Now I can wear a sleeveless dress!
     Happy Easter!

More Waiting...

      I saw Dr. Klausmeyer this afternoon. The nurse asked if I was having my tissue expanded, and I told her I thought so, but wasn't sure, since my right boobette wound was pretty bad. So I warned her. She unwrapped all these instruments, and I was thinking -- maybe you should wait on that. So when Klausmeyer came in the exam room, she looked at my wounds and said we needed to wait to do the expansion.
     Klausmeyer said that this wasn't that unusual, but was disappointing. I agreed with her. She examined the right boobette carefully, and said that the tissue expander was not trying to burst through the skin, so that's good news. She explained that these blood vessels aren't where they used to be, so there is an adjustment that they have to go through. She put more ointment on my wounds, bandaged me up, and said that she would see me next week.
     I have mastered bandaging up my boobettes so you can't see the bandages under my t-shirt. But Klausmeyer just taped a bunch of gauze on me. I was all lumpy when I left -- I decided it was silly to worry about it -- I was just going home.
      I have to be patient. My boobettes will heal. My new boobs will look much better than what I am currently sporting. It's all good.
     My tamoxifen anger was better today. So that's a relief. Last night I drank one and a half glasses of Lambrusco, and I was a bit tipsy. I had hiccups all night long. I don't know if I have mentioned this, but since the bilateral mastectomy, coughing, sneezing, and hiccuping hurt A LOT! I actually had hiccups in the hospital while I was in recovery, and I thought I might die. It's not as bad now, thank God, but still hurts. So I didn't sleep well last night.
     Tomorrow is my last day of medical leave. I must make the most of it! I believe I will do a lot of napping. Woo hoo!!!

Hormone-Crazed!

     I started my new ten year prescription of tamoxifen Monday. Today I am a big old crabby Cathy. I read online that tamoxifen can make women irritable and depressed. I also had my Mirena IUD removed today, so I'm sure that's messing with my hormones, too. So it's a double whammy. I have snapped at my poor, sweet children a couple of times since dinner and have apologized profusely. It looks like for most people, the irritability doesn't last. Whew. I hope so. Otherwise it's going to be a long ten years!
     In my no-chemo elation, I forgot to mention that my fabulous baby sister came to visit me last week!!!! It was far too short a visit. Heather got in late Wednesday night and left Saturday morning. We just had Thursday and Friday to visit, but it was wonderful. Thursday we walked the kids to school, then went to Starbucks, walked back home, and took naps.
     I wanted to show Heather Immaculate Heart, so I drove her to Hollywood. We had lunch at an old school Chinese restaurant in Los Feliz, that wasn't that great, but it was ok. Fun atmosphere. Then we made our way to IH. I knew that the 7th and 8th graders were on field trips, so visiting wouldn't be a big distraction. Gina and Sarah V were in the office. It was so good to see them!!! They gave me big hugs, and got to meet Heather, and then I took Heather down to see my classroom. I miss my classroom! The girls have made pink Fuji signs that decorate the classroom. I ran into the drama assistant and chatted with her. Then I peeked into the yearbook office, and Mary Rose was in there. So Heather got to meet her. It was so fun!
     Thursday night the kids and I introduced Heather to poutine. There is a new poutine place about two blocks from my house. Which is amazing and dangerous. So that was dinner. Heather was soon made a believer!
     Friday we walked the kids to school again, and then went back home. We were meeting Carolyn and Mary Rose for lunch later, so I had time to show off Old Town Pasadena. I don't know if she fell in love with the city, but I think she liked it.
     Just as we got to Lincoln for lunch, it started to rain. Lincoln is a trendy place, and it was obvious we were not going to get a table, so we left there and went to Kathleen's instead. It's a cute diner I had been wanting to check out. So that worked out well.
     Friday night we just ordered Chinese food and I made margaritas and we both got pretty tipsy. Fun fun fun! Heather didn't feel so good the next morning! I felt guilty, but I didn't drive her to LAX. She took a Lyft instead, and I went back to bed.
     I'm so glad Heather came to see me! She organized some of my clutter, did a bunch of laundry, changed the sheets on my bed - I put her to work! I wish she could have stayed longer.
     OK, I'm still pretty crabby, so I'm going to eat an ice cream sandwich and drink a glass of wine! I'm seeing Dr. Klausmeyer tomorrow -- she changed my appointment from Friday morning to Thursday afternoon. I'm curious to see if she thinks I'm healing well and if I can get my first saline injection. My right boob was less oozy yesterday and today, so that's good.
    

My fabulous sister!

Heather at City Hall

The kids love Auntie Heather!

Fancy appetizer platter from the old school Chinese joint in Los Feliz. Palace Chinese, I think.

Corn dog poutine from Spudd's. OMG!

The Best News!

    I had an appointment scheduled with Dr. Abdallah, my oncologist, for 2:00 pm Monday (yesterday). My friend Carolyn was going to meet me on the 8th floor of the building and I was going to get my oncotype test results. I was excited and terrified to hear the verdict.
    Around 12:30 or so yesterday, I was finishing my lunch when I saw I had a voicemail. It was Yvonne, Dr. Abdallah's nurse, telling me that my appointment was canceled, because the test results had not arrived, and we couldn't determine my treatment without those results. I called and spoke with her. She was super nice and apologetic and said that they were trying to get my results, and as soon as they came in she would call me to get me in to see Dr. Abdallah. I'm like -- well, more waiting! I called Carolyn to not meet me, and texted my sister, and went to my room to watch some TV before taking my afternoon nap.
     At 1:32 -- I just happened to look at the time on my phone -- I got another call from Kaiser. The guy on the phone asked if I was coming in. I said I was told not to come -- that Yvonne said not to. He said yes, but now we have your results and Dr. Abdallah really wants to see you -- can you get here? I said I'd get there as fast as I could.
     I decided not to bug Carolyn. I hopped in my car and drove to Hollywood as fast as I could. Traffic was not bad and I got to Vermont and Sunset by 2:01, but then I had to park, which took awhile. So I ended up getting up to the 8th floor by 2:20. The guy at check in said, "You are Amy! We were just wondering about you!" I explained that I did the best I could and he said it was ok. The nurse called me in immediately and Dr. Abdallah came in my exam room maybe five minutes later.
     Dr. Abdallah introduced herself and showed me the dang results -- I do not need chemotherapy! The oncotype test scores you from 1-100. A score of 30 or higher means that you need chemo. A score of 18 or less means that you won't benefit from chemo. I had a 9 -- very clearly in the no-chemo range. Which was a huge relief.

     I was so scared the score would be in the middle, where I would have to decide if I should do chemo or not. But 9 is good. I don't doubt that score. Dr. Abdallah said that I needed to take tamoxifen for the next ten years, and that I could start it that day. She said that it used to that patients like me would take tamoxifen for five years, but new research demonstrates that ten years is better. That's ok with me. My breast cancer feeds on progesterone and estrogen, so I need to turn off those hormones. So tamoxifen will do that.
    Now that I know that I won't have chemo, I have to get rid of my Mirena IUD. I had been kind of worried about that. But chemo would have put me into menopause, so I figured if I had chemo, then I would get rid of the IUD and wouldn't need to worry about contraception. Now I am not having chemo, but I cannot use hormonal birth control, so I have to figure out what to do about that.
     I am getting the Mirena out tomorrow morning, and the gynecologist is then going to discuss my contraceptive options with me. I can switch to the Paraguard IUD, which doesn't use any hormones, but I don't want to do that.
     This is another example of what a hassle my being breast-cancer-young is. One of the side effects of tamoxifen is a slightly increased risk of endometrial cancer. If I were post-menopausal, then I would know when to be concerned, because if I suddenly got my period, I would know that that was a problem. But I still get my dang periods, so we aren't sure when I would know there was a problem. I'm having a pelvic ultrasound next week, so that we will have a baseline to start with.
     The most common side effect of tamoxifen is hot flashes. I will let you know if/when I experience those! Tamoxifen will also probably push me into menopause earlier. Hey, it's better than breast cancer.
     I left Dr. Abdallah's office and went to the pharmacy to pick up my new ten year prescription. Then I texted some people my good news, and called my dad to tell him. It was super fun telling Dad my good news!
     I got home and called Manic Panic, my hair salon, because I could get my hair done! I was waiting to see if I needed chemo or not. It worked out perfectly, because Nikki, my stylist, doesn't normally work on Tuesdays, but she's going out of town this week, so she was working on Tue to make sure her regular clients could see her. It was meant to be!
     I saw Nikki today -- I was thrilled to get my hair done!! I decided I was done with the platinum, and wanted to get back to highlights. It looks super cute, and Nikki put a little pink in it, to commemorate my breast cancer victory! Gina, my boss, doesn't approve of crazy hair color, and I don't think it will last til Monday anyway, but I do think she'll let it slide just this one time!
     New boob-wise, I'm worried about my right boobette. It doesn't seem to be healing well. More things for me to worry about! I see Dr. Klausmeyer, so we will see what she thinks. I was reading some breast cancer message boards about wound healing, and reading about women who had a lot of trouble with healing. I don't know if Dr. Klausmeyer will be able to do my first saline injection Friday or not. My left boobette is healing well. It'll be fine, I'm sure. I try not to drive myself crazy, but it's so hard not to!
     I'll report back on what Dr. Klausmeyer says Friday. I hope it will be good news. No matter what, I got the best news of all - no chemo!!!

My new 'do! It's asymmetrical -- not sure if you can tell. I love it! I am loving the survivor pink!

This Week So Far

     I've been tired and kind of lazy this week, so I've been slow to post. I was going to walk Emiko and Hideo to school Monday, but it was raining (with thunder and lightening!), so after Todd took them, I went back to bed. Which was great.
     I was supposed to have poutine with my friend Kris, so I woke up in time to shower and get ready. I was out the door starting my walk up the street to the new poutine place (which is fantastic) when the nurse called from the kids' school to tell me Emiko was sick. Emiko said she had a really bad headache and tummy ache. So I called Kris to cancel on her and went home to get the car.
     I hadn't driven since before surgery, so I was a bit nervous. But it was ok. It's weird, though. Actual breasts move with you when you turn or steer. My tissue expander boobettes are hard and don't move with me when I turn or steer. I read on a breast cancer message board that the tissue expanders get a bit softer once the doctor starts filling them. And the actual implants will be much softer, so that will be good. Just something else to get used to.
     I got Emiko home and we both crashed, so that was nice. Had to wake her up to go pick up Hideo. On our way to pick up Hideo, we went by a park in Altadena to sign the kids up for spring break camp. I decided that I should send them to camp next week, as it's my last week of leave, and I have a couple of doctor's appointments. This way I won't have to worry about childcare, and the kids will have more fun at camp than they will watching me take naps.
     Yesterday I walked the kids to school -- it was nice to get out. We walked again this morning. I do enjoy that and wish I could walk them to school everyday. My sister gets here tonight -- hooray! -- so I figure she can walk with us tomorrow and Friday if she wants, and then we can get a coffee on the way home. I can't wait to see my sister!!!
     I did get to have my poutine lunch today, with Kris and her husband Charles. That poutine place is so delicious, but dangerous, as it's up the street from my house. Today I had the corn dog poutine. Ridiculously good.
     Emiko is learning the recorder at school, so she is practicing a great deal. She is super enthusiastic, and I won't do anything to dampen that enthusiasm, but wow is it a shrill instrument!
     That's all I've got for now. More later!

Two Week Self Assessment

     It's actually been two and a half weeks since my bilateral mastectomy. Which is kind of hard to believe. The pain is so much less awful than at first. I can move around fairly well, but I still can't use my arms too much. No lifting things more than five pounds, which I sometimes do anyway. If I pull or push or twist, I feel it and regret it, so I'm trying to be careful.
     I saw Dr. Klausmeyer Friday. I almost drove myself, because even though you are not supposed to drive with drains, I saw Juanita, the kooky social worker, Wednesday while waiting for Carolyn to pick me up, and Juanita said I could drive. But I didn't sleep well Thursday night, so I was really tired Friday. So I chickened out and got a Lyft.
     I got to my appointment super early -- the Lyft came quickly and traffic wasn't bad. I was in the exam room by 9:30 for a 10:15 appointment. The 9:30 patient hadn't shown up, so I got that slot, which was nice. Dr. Klausmeyer took out my drains -- hallelujah!!!!!!!! She was going to actually give me my first saline injection to start pumping up my tissue expanders, but decided to let my skin heal for two more weeks. I was glad about that -- I don't think I'm ready for expansion yet. My skin is still super beat up and my wounds are gnarly. Dr. Klausmeyer gave me some cream to put on my wounds. It's usually used for burns. The nurse put a bunch of gauze in a biohazard bag for me, and gave me some paper tape, so I could make a dressing to put over the cream.
     I see Dr. Klausmeyer on March 18 for my first tissue expansion. That week is spring break for Emiko and Hideo. We are going to send them to spring break camp so that I don't have to worry about childcare that week while I see the oncologist on the 14th and Dr. Klausmeyer on the 18th.
     Emiko saw my boobs yesterday when I got out of the shower (an actual shower!!!). She had asked if she could see them, and I told her yes, but they were super scary looking, so it was up to her. She looked at them -- I showed her the stitches and explained that they wouldn't always look like this. She agreed that they were scary. Hideo walked by while I was showing Emiko, so Hideo saw them, too. He was upset and cried a little. I assured him that this was only temporary. He said that he was glad the cancer was out of me -- and that that was the main thing.
     I'm finding getting dressed a hassle, because I am a bit self-conscious about my boobettes. I am not completely flat, thanks to the tissue expanders, but I'm much flatter than I've been since hitting puberty. Emiko said I had the boobs of a teenager and the body of a grown woman. I have been wearing baggy tops and putting scarves on to try to hide my chest. I can pull tops over my head if they are stretchy, so I can wear baggy t-shirts around the house, but I've wearing button down shirts out in public.
     It is nice not having to wear a bra anymore. I bought a bunch of men's tank tops at Target yesterday. I was wearing some of Todd's, but thought I should get my own, since my wounds are a little oozy still, and I don't want to ruin his tanks. So I put the cream on my wounds, put gauze on top of the cream, and gently pull the tank top on.
     Emotionally, I think I am in pretty good shape, but I do think I need to find a support group that is a better match than the Kaiser one. The Kaiser group meets tomorrow night, but I don't think I will go. I will go to the orientation Tue morning for the support group that meets in Pasadena. Maybe it will be a better fit. It would be nice to meet people closer to my own age. We'll see.
     Guess that's all for now.

Updates!

     I saw my breast surgeon, Dr. Leung, for my post op appointment this afternoon. She was pleased with my healing and said she couldn't believe how good I looked. She also reviewed my pathology report with me. It's good news!
     My breast cancer is stage one, with clear margins. There were two tumors next to each other, totaling 1.9 centimeters in size. Any tumor bigger than 2.0 centimeters makes you stage two, so I just made the cut off. The cancer did not spread to the lymph nodes!
     So I don't have to see Dr. Leung again for six months. She referred me to hematology/oncology to see what my next steps are in terms of treatment. My tumor tissue was sent off today for oncotype testing. This test studies the cancer on a molecular level and gives you a score of likely recurrence, if no additional treatment was given. A high score means a high chance of recurrence, which means definite chemotherapy. A low score means no chemo, and a middle score means that we would have to decide.
     I see Dr. Abdullah, my oncologist, March 14. She should have my oncotype score then, so we can decide what to do. It would be amazing if I didn't have to have chemo. She will also review with me if I need to take hormone blockers for the next several years. I'm curious to see how that goes.
     I'm tired today. Todd's parents came over and brought me lunch from Panera. Ted also made a brisket for dinner. It was nice to see them.
    Then Tera came over at 2 to pick me up for my appointment with Dr. Leung. So I missed my afternoon nap! Carolyn met me at the corner of Sunset and L. Ron Hubbard Way to take me home. It is so nice having people drive me around, but I'll be super happy when I can drive myself again! I hope these drains come out Friday so I can be more independent!
     I'll get lots of rest tomorrow.
     Oh, I almost forgot. I noticed that Dr. Leung had put April 19 as my return to work date on my disability application. I asked her today if I could return to work March 21. She said that if I need chemo, she does not think I can work through chemo. I told her that I think that I can, and I really need to go back to work. I love my job, and I haven't even been there a year. I explained that I don't qualify for FMLA and that I'm on COBRA until I return to work. She didn't look convinced. Then I said -- look, if I need chemo, I am back at work March 21. I have chemo in April. Then I have chemo in May. Then it's June 3rd and school's out.
     Dr. Leung looked at me and said no heavy lifting and no being around sick people. I told her I promised I would be good. Then she said that this was unusual -- most of her patients want to be off for longer. I told her I'm young! She laughed and agreed and updated the paperwork. Woo hoo! I'm not ready to go to work yet -- but by March 21 I'm going to be ready.
     Next update will be after my appointment with Dr. Klausmeyer Friday.

Bandages Are Off!

     My sister Heather texted me that I need to update my blog. I try not to let down my little sister, so I will see what I can do!
     Diane took me to LA to see Dr. Klausmeyer. I was so excited to get my bandages off! Dr. Klausmeyer said everything looked good, and she removed the bandages and said I could take a bath, as long as I was careful to keep the surgical drain ports from getting wet. The thought of taking a bath made me crazy happy!
     I was hoping maybe one of my drains would be removed, but I'm still draining too much lymphatic fluid, so I'm stuck with the drains for one more week. I see Dr. Klausmeyer next Friday, March 4th. At that appointment, the drains better come out! They weren't so terrible at first, but now that I know that I am stuck with them another week, I am finding them more annoying. And nerve-wracking! You have to collect less than 25CC total of fluid per drain per day for two days in a row before they will remove the drains. Today I had more fluid than I expected. Hoping for the best!
     Once Diane and I got home, I immediately went to take a bath. Which was hard, because it's hard to use my arms! I finally realized I could put a little stool in the tub and sit on that, and then it was easier to into the tub that way, and back out again.
     After scrubbing my hair and the rest of me, I got dressed and felt super tired. Diane made another excellent meal -- she roasted a chicken and made coconut rice. It's been so nice having Diane here to feed me at lunch and dinner. She sometimes even brings us cheese and crackers while we watch Ellen. Not a bad gig!
     I didn't really pay attention to what my new breastlets looked like at the doctor's office. Once I was in my own bathroom, I took a look. I'm not completely flat, due to the tissue expanders. So it's like I have these little squished up, bruised, scraped up boobettes. Kind of pitiful so far. I know that's not how they will always look, thank goodness. But they don't look very good yet! And my chest looks a little sunken in. Exciting stuff!
     Friday I took it easy and took a really good morning nap and afternoon nap. We wanted to take Diane out to dinner as a thank you for her taking such amazing care of me. I wanted to make sure I was up to it. So I put on actual clothes! I even put on a little makeup. It was pretty exciting!
     Todd got home and I felt up to going out, so we took Diane out. She said she wanted fish and chips, since that was something she couldn't get very easily in Santa Fe. We went to Hot Red Bus in Alhambra, which is an authentic British fish and chips shop. It's awesome. It was so fun to be out for a little while.
     After dinner we got dessert at Menchie's. The kids were excited about that. We stopped by Rite Aid on our way back to the car, and then made our way home. I was really tired by then, so I went to bed.
     This morning I meant to sleep in, but woke up at 6:30. Todd was up early, and so was Diane. I did a little straightening, because the ladies at work hired a cleaning lady to clean my house for 3 sessions while I'm on leave. Which is so generous and wonderful. I was worried she might be horrified!
    Around 9, we said goodbye to Diane and Todd took her to the airport. The kids and I hung out and waited for Reina, the cleaning lady. Reina got here around 9:45, and we all tried to stay out of her way.
     About an hour later, my friend Valeska, who worked with me at Markham last year, came to see me. It was so nice to see her. She knows what an awful place that was, and she escaped, too. She's pregnant, which is super exciting. It was great to catch up.
     After Valeska left, Todd got home with lunch for us. We sat outside to not be in the way. After lunch, I needed a nap. So I told Reina that Todd could help her if she needed anything. So I went to sleep.
     I didn't take any pain medicine today. I am feeling ok, considering. Kyle said that if I didn't take any today, I could drink a glass of wine at dinnertime. We have had dinner, but I am about to finish up this post so I can drink that glass of wine! I will drink it with some chocolate. So excited!!!
     Now it's just us. I won't have anymore company til my sister comes March 9. Well, Tera is taking me to Dr. Leung's office Wed for that appointment. I believe I will meet my oncologist at that appointment, too. Carolyn is going to give me a ride back home.
     But I won't have anymore out of town guests til my sister arrives. Can't wait to see her, and can't wait to be drain free and able to drive for her visit!

Stuff

      Here is a picture of the drains I have -- there is one on each side of my body. They collect lymphatic fluid and having them helps me heal faster. They don't hurt, unless I tug on one by accident. I have to record how much fluid comes out of them. The left drain was collecting any fluid for the first four days, so I was a bit worried, but now it's draining just fine. I have to have the drains until I collect less than 25ccs of fluid total two days in a row. So I don't think I'll get them removed Thursday. I'm pretty sure I'll have to keep them in another week. I have these stick on pockets on the inside of my old lady gowns that hold the drains in place.

      Here's a pic of the line markings that are still on my chest. I should have gotten a picture before surgery. I was all marked up. You can just see faint lines left now. I've tried to scrub them off -- maybe after I get to shower Thursday. I can't wait to shower on Thursday!!!

     Here's a sexy pic of my bandages and my mastectomy bra, stuffed with polyester boobs. The bandages don't hurt, exactly, but it feels like I have an underwire bra poking into me on both sides. So that's annoying, but bearable.
     With my gown on, I can't tell I don't have boobs anymore. I do think that Thursday will be a little emotional, seeing what my chest now looks like. I have another mastectomy camisole that has pockets for polyester boobs, so I will put that on after my shower, and wash this bra, since it's been worn nonstop since they put it on me after surgery.
     I'm so lucky my dad was able to come stay with me last week, and now Diane, Todd's aunt, is here until this Saturday. She is such a help. She is a fabulous cook, so she cooks and I chat and then I eat and then I take a pain pill and go to sleep. It's not a bad gig, overall!
     I haven't weighed myself since losing my boobs -- I do wonder how much they weighed? Maybe I'll do that Thursday. Actually, I'm sure they will weigh me at the doctor's office Thur.
     The pain hasn't been as bad as I expected, and I've been able to move around fairly well. The first couple of days, it hurt like hell to get into and out of bed, but now it's easier. The wounds are kind of itchy, which means they are healing, but that can be distracting. I'm not taking that much pain medicine, which is good. I can't drink any alcohol while on pain medication, so I'm excited when I can drink a glass of wine again. Or a margarita!
     Yesterday I was craving Rotel cheese dip, so I made some and that was fantastic. Dad bought me some Cokes while he was here, so I can drink one when I feel like it. My appetite wasn't great the first few days, but it's getting better now.
     I'll report back after seeing the plastic surgeon Thursday. I think I look pretty good, considering. Diane dry-washed my hair yesterday. But I'm going to feel so much better after a shower!!!

I got through surgery!

     Todd and I took the kids to school on Wednesday and then made our way to Kaiser. Our first stop was Nuclear Medicine, where I had the blue dye injection for my sentinel node biopsy. The doctor sprayed an antiseptic spray on my breast, and then made four small injections in the shape of a cross around my nipple. Those injections hurt like hell! Oh my God that hurt. So that was my first taste of the pain that was to follow!

     Then we walked across the parking lot to the main hospital to I could be officially admitted. The waiting area in the main hospital is nice. I was getting nervous, but was also pretty hungry by now. All that waiting around is so hard to do. 

     We didn't have to wait that long before the nurse took us back to the pre-op area. I saw Dr. Klausmeyer first. She made a bunch of marks on my chest and boobs. Then Dad called and asked if he and Jane could come down there. So we gave them directions and they got an Uber to get them to the hospital.

     Next Dr. Leung came by and checked on me and made a couple of other marks on my chest. Then I met the anesthesiologist, who was super nice and was not the bitchy nurse practitioner from before. A few residents came by to meet me. Then the nurse anesthetist, who was a super nice guy named Hailey. 

     Dad and Jane were sent back to my little gurney, and more waiting happened. I remember saying goodbye to Dad and Jane and Todd, and kissing Todd and telling him I loved him, and that is the last thing I remember. I have no memory of being wheeled into surgery or anything.

     The next thing I remember is waking up in recovery with Dad and Jane next to me. Todd couldn't be there -- he had to pick up the kids. We had decided that it would freak the kids out more to have both their parents away for the night, although it was hard not seeing my hubby afterwards. 

     But Dad and Jane were great. Jane stayed for awhile, and then we sent her in an Uber to go back to their hotel room so she could rest. Dad was determined to stay with me. I felt bad, but was so glad he was there.

     Kaiser LA Medical Center was great, other than the fact that they did not have a room for me after I was done in recovery. I guess they focus their patient rooms on their ER patients. So my nurses, who were wonderful, were annoyed that I didn't have a room. When I don't feel well, the first thing I want is a real Coca Cola. My throat was sore and scratchy from the breathing tube and it hurt so much when I tried to clear my throat or coughed. I kept thinking a Coke would make me feel better. But I couldn't have a Coke, because we weren't in a room! Dad had to sit on this little chair, and he couldn't walk around or they would not have let him back in to the recovery area. It was super annoying.

     Mercedes, my night shift recovery nurse, kept saying that maybe I'd have a room in a couple more hours. Or maybe by midnight. Those times came and went and no room. Dad asked about coffee -- Mercedes asked the orderly, Aisha, and she got Dad coffee. He was super happy. Mercedes and Aisha took good care of us.

     Later I thought I might be hungry, but there was no food, since we weren't in a room! Around 4 or 5 in the morning Mercedes brought me a ham sandwich, so I ate half of that. 

     Finally around 6 or so, two rooms were made available. The old man in the gurney next to me had been there the longest -- he got to a room around 5:30. So there was one woman ahead of me. Aisha, the orderly, actually went to the rooms to help the custodians clean them so we could get into them. I need to send something to Mercedes and Aisha and the other recovery staff.

     Got to the room around 7. Beverly was the nurse who had to register me into the room. She was not very nice. She explained that she was getting off work at 7:30, and so she really didn't want to register me, so she was trying to get it over with quickly. I said ok -- I'm really glad to be in an actual bed. 

     I fell asleep immediately. Then two plastic surgery residents came by to check on me. Later on, Dr. Leung came by to see me, and said that I could go home that afternoon. I really wanted to go home! 

     Todd and Jane came with pastries from Papillon Bakery in Los Feliz -- they were amazing. I had half of an Armenian donut filled with dulche de leche, and one half filled with Nutella. Wonderful. I also ate some hospital breakfast. It was ok. I was still dying for a Coke!

     At 12:30 I was free to go. Todd went to get the car. The orderly wheeled me in the wheelchair to get my prescriptions, and home we went. Heather made me a pillow that fits over the seatbelt to take the pressure off my missing boobs, so that really helped.

     I got home and had to climb into bed -- that was hard and painful. But then I crashed. It felt so good to be in my own bed!!!

     Now I think it's my bedtime. I'll write about the next few post-surgery days tomorrow. I have heard from so many people, and it's been wonderful. It's amazing having so much love and support!

Fight Song

  

    Emiko has been watching this video and singing the song at the top of her lungs for several days now. I wish it were a little more riot grrl, but it's catchy, so I guess it can be my fight song, too. I told Emiko that on days she is sad or scared or upset, to sing this song and she will feel better.
     And if anyone wants to record a riot grrl version of this, let me know!
   

Movie Time!

     I've got a couple of movies I want to post, but I am having the hardest time figuring out how to do that. But I think this is working. Woo hoo to the iPad! The first video was made by three of my 8th graders. The second one was made by seventh graders, most of whom are in my honors class. I love my job so much. I honestly don't know how I would get through this if I were working anywhere else. Of course the love of my family and friends is immeasurable, but I spend a lot of time at work, so the love and support from my Immaculate Heart family is a gift.
     I love these videos!

Countdown Time

     I got through my last day at work Friday. The girls were super sweet. Several girls gave me gifts and treats. It was super sweet and pretty emotional. I am going to attempt to post a couple of videos that girls made for me, as well as some pictures.
     I am all set for Wednesday, except I don't know when I am supposed to report to Nuclear Medicine to get my blue dye injection. A nurse called me this morning from Kaiser to tell me to report to Sunset at 10:30 on Wednesday. I asked her about Nuclear Medicine. She didn't know I needed to see them, so she was very glad I had mentioned it, because otherwise I would have come at 10:30 and that would have been a problem. She thanked me repeatedly for telling her that I needed that injection. So I should be hearing from another nurse soon with updated arrival information.
     I've been worrying about this. I tried calling Myrtle, the nurse from general surgery who I have spoken with the most. She is out today. Then I tried calling Anne, the breast care coordinator with the terrible bedside manner. She's out today, too. I decided I'd have to wait and call tomorrow when the other nurse called me. So we will see what I find out.
     I entered some grades this morning, and I submitted essays from my seventh graders for a Yes Magazine "Standing with Malala" essay competition. I had to get that done by this Thursday. So I didn't blow it!
     My surgery bag is packed. I took pictures of my breasts this morning. I read a blog by a breast cancer survivor, and she was adamant that you should take pics of your original boobs, because at some point you will forget what they looked like. She did not do this, and has regretted it ever since. I was skeptical, but decided not to take any chances.
     I wasn't sure how to do this, because I can't use my phone, as it is linked to my work iPad. Then I remembered I had a Kindle, so I used that to photograph my boobs this morning after I got out of the shower. I have really droopy boobies. This isn't a shock, exactly, but it is a little shocking to see them up close that way. I was trying to perk them up by squeezing my arms together, but it didn't help much. It's going to be super weird having boobs that don't sag to my belly button!
     I started a middle school only Instagram account, with my boss's permission, so the girls can easily keep in touch with me. It's hilarious -- I have enjoyed seeing what matters most to seventh and eighth grade girls. I don't know most of the sixth graders, but many of them are also following me on Instagram. So I'm very popular with that crowd.
     Until I can figure out how to upload the videos that a couple of girls made, here are some of my favorite pictures. Hopefully I'm allowed to post these.