I have my next saline injection next Friday. I'm looking forward to it -- my wound looks like it's completely healed, so we can do a full injection. I've been wondering how much longer the reconstruction process will take. I googled it, of course, and came across this article. Very interesting, and I can relate to what the people interviewed say. People often remark on how fun it will be to get new boobs, and I know that they are being nice, but I feel pretty conflicted about it. I would much rather have my actual breasts and not have breast cancer. I know that new breasts seem like a perk, and I am sure I will enjoy having perky boobs, but that was never something that was important to me.
I sometimes wonder if I should have opted for surgery without reconstruction, because then I'd be healed and done already. But I do think that I would have been unhappy with that choice. I still feel super self-conscious in t-shirts. Today I wore a super cute skirt, but I didn't have a scarf that matched it, so I had to wear my top without a scarf. So all day I worried about my sad little boobettes. I definitely feel less feminine with my current breasts.
At any rate, it's happening eventually. I know that I will continue to adjust and evolve and all that good stuff.
I'm still attending my cancer support group on Wednesday nights. I do think it's helpful, but I do continue to feel a bit guilty about being less sick than many of the other members. When it was my turn to share, I mentioned that I've been thinking about recurrence a lot lately, and how will I ever stop worrying about breast cancer?
John, the facilitator, said he struggled with that, too, as he had stage one lung cancer. He said that you will always worry, but you also have to live your life. More adapting and evolving for me!
I am looking forward to summer break. We are going to join the YMCA, so the kids and I can swim all summer long. The Y provides childcare, so I can take a couple of yoga classes a week and not worry about the kids. I think we will all really enjoy that.
The kids and I are hiking on Sunday mornings. It's so fun to hike with them -- they'll fuss about walking with me, but they hike like little mountain goats. We've been going to Eaton Canyon, which is beautiful and super close to our house. I think we'll keep going there on Sundays until the kids decide they want to try someplace else. There are a ton of beautiful and not-too-challenging trails near us.
I didn't run any last weekend, but I'm still calling myself a runner. I did sign up for the Awesome 80s 10K in July, and the 10K at the Grove is June 12th. Emiko and Hideo are doing that one with me, so we'll be walking and there might be some fussing. We'll see how that goes.
Sunday night Todd and I got to see The Cure at the Hollywood Bowl. It was fabulous and I loved every minute! Robert Smith still has it! They played for almost three hours! Which was amazing, but it was a school night and I was tired. I think I'm still recovering, but it was worth it.
Tuesday night, Todd and I went to Amoeba Records to see The Muffs play a free show. Then last night, Todd and I went to the Hollywood Improv for Outtake-O-Rama, featuring the actors from Futurama. Todd and I do not usually go out so much ever, much less in a week! But it just worked out that all three of these events were happening this week. It's a good thing that I was just reviewing for the final exams and giving the final exams this week, as I have been super tired and kind of crabby as a result of my lack of sleep! Memorial Day weekend will help!
Next week will be busy, too, as I am a chaperone for the 8th grade Disneyland trip on Thursday, and Friday is 8th grade graduation. I'm going to miss my first 8th grade class. This has been such a great school year, other than the cancer stuff!
Today I got my blood drawn for tests that my oncologist wants run on me prior to my next appointment with her on June 17th. Hopefully that will all be good.
We are going to the beach Monday. My first thought was -- I can't go to the beach looking like this! But I decided that was a stupid attitude. I will wear a sports bra underneath a rashguard, so I don't think my boobettes will be that noticeable. Get over it, Amy.
OK, that's enough for now.
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